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I suppose I could start this journal with a corny line like that. Today, I am leaving Edinburgh. I am taking a train to Glasgow where I will spend the night, and I am getting on a plane to Milan, Italy on Monday. I have given away more of my posessions. I now own:
A SLEEPING BAG
A LARGE BACKPACK
A SMALL BACKPACK
ONE PAIR OF PANTS THAT CONVERT INTO SHORTS
A SHIRT MADE OF NON-VIOLENT SILK
TWO BOOKS (FREE FALL BY WILLIAM GOLDING, AND THE YOGA SUTRAS)
A MINI MOLESKIN JOURNAL W/ PEN
A LAPTOP COMPUTER
SEVERAL YARDS OF FABRIC GIVEN TO ME BY THE GUYS FROM BURUNDI (IT WAS FORMERLY THEIR UNIFORMS) THAT I HAVE YET TO FIGURE OUT WALK TO DO WITH
ONE SMALL CHINESE TAPESTRY WITH WAX IMPRINT GIVEN TO ME BY WU YANG OF CHINA.
A FOCUS MEDALLION BROUGHT BACK FROM CHINA BY MY FATHER, WHICH I USE FOR MEDITATION
A CANVAS DOC-KIT CONTAINING: A RAZOR, ONE BOTTLE OF DR. BRAUNERS BIO-DEGRADABLE SOAP, TOOTHBRUSH,NATURAL DEODORANT
A HUNTING KNIFE MADE BY MY UNCLE LARRY
A BALL OF HEMP (HAS BECOME MY NATURAL VERSION OF DUCK TAPE)
A MINI CAMPING CAN OPENER
NATURAL ANTI-SEPTIC BALM WHICH MY MOTHER GOT ME JUST BEFORE I SHOVED OFF (INCEDENTLY I HAVE USED IT MA. JUST LAST NIGHT ON WHAT I AM MONITORING AS POSSIBLY THE BEGINNINGS OF AN INGROWN TOE-NAIL.)
Right. That just about about sums it up. Oh yeah, I did forget to mention that I have several envelopes and a copy of birth, medical and passport records in case I need to get another form of identification.
My principle objective of this trip is to make it from Milan to Rome. I do not want to take a bus. I wouldn't have anything left in my pockets once I got there. Besides, my place to stay does not return from Biaritz until the 24th of August, so I figure I might as well wander around the Italian countryside until then.
Things I hope to get out of this journey:
1.) I have been experimenting with taking spiritual vows in order to gain spiritual merit. For instance, just before coming to London I took a vow that I would fast on vegetable broth for three days if God would grant me the spiritual merit of making room in my heart for my Guru to sit, rest and guide me through the world. At the conference I also sat seated in meditation for forty five minutes, if God would grant me strength and truth in the writing that I did for the Positive News daily paper. That seems to have worked really well.
So, as I embark on this extended journey, I am going to do a ceremony that will ask God to grant me the spiritual merit of having continued success at writing whatever He (I have a Catholic God, but if yours is a She or an It I am totally with you. No worries) wants me to write. I am also asking that this extended journey help my body regain control of my diet and not my psyche. And I aim to build my sense of non-attachment to material possesions, so that I only come under the control of money and material possesions that I need to fulfill God's will.
It is important to note (more for myself than any others) that each time I embark on these comparitively mild forms of austerities (or tapasya, as they might be called by Sahdu's of India,) I begin each ceremony with a rejection of all power. Any worldly power that I may be able to gain from these practices is, in theory, not what I want. I only wish to live in accordance with the Divine will. At first glance it may seem like I am doing these things so I can gain something for myself. I suppose that is true in a sense. All truly spiritual work is done for indivdual gain. I would only say that it is a different sort of selfishness than the western defintion we apply to such a word. All work that we do in the world is essentially work on the self. If I take on a project for the purpose of helping others it is because the obstacles I must overcome personally, and the lessons I will have to learn spiritually in order to complete that project are what God is trying to teach me. I might have to go back to school and become a lawyer one day. I don't want to become a lawyer, but if that is the path I must take in order to walk in unison with the steps of God, then hopefully I will have the strength to make myself do it.
I say "hopefully" because all this is just theory. I still have an incredible amount of things that I do for entirely the wrong reasons. 90% of the actions I take over the course of my day are for my ego, not to strengthen the spark of the divine within me, and I still crave wealth, success, and fantastic foreign liasons with women. Like I said, I want to live in accordance with the Divine will, but there are some days where I do not even want to say this out loud for fear I will have to back up my statements with actions. But, I try not to beat myself up about all of it. The very fact that we are conscious and put in our various bodies is evidence that these obstacles exist for us to overcome, so we need not worry and destroy ourselves over when this is going to happen.
Well, with all this said I must be going now. I have to pack my things into my big backpack, and clean up the kitchen of the guys that have let me stay at their "flat". My next blog entry will not be for severalseveral days, but please check back.
take care and Godspeed<-- does anyone really know what that means?
peace, hopefully I will always make peace,
Bart Abbott
August 14 2005, 17:57:36 UTC 6 years ago
Maybe speed is just another term for travelling or moving, in which case someone whishing you godspeed would be implying a journey which would be as if god made it. which would be nice.
Anonymous
August 19 2005, 18:35:07 UTC 6 years ago
Hello!
Bart, it's Jenny, the British Chinese girl from WYC. Great you hear you are still at it while everyone else has slumped off home. I really wish I'd given you something so I could get a mention on your journal. (Sigh) Well, I'm really glad to know you're ok, especially as you had no idea where you were going when we were eating breakfast on the last morning. I thought you were going to France? Anyway, Italy is beautiful, you will love it. However, no one speaks/admits to speaking English so good luck. I will be in Rome 4th-9th September. If you think you will still be there by then, you'd better get in touch. Email me j.hao@talk21.com I'll be checking up on you here...Safe journey,
Jenny xxx
Anonymous
August 24 2005, 03:03:42 UTC 6 years ago
The depth of the Heart and the bliss beyond the bliss
Dear Bart,Your blog entry, the first, touches me so much.
I see myself in you, in so many dymanic ways.
( p.s. if you want to see my blogs, which I havn't put too much energy into but some, you can go to www.myspace.com There is a recent picture of me and Kawa as well. )
How remarkable to meet a person that is such a profound reflection of my inner life, moving ever-towards God, Self-hood, and with the pure desire to grow as a human being and to reach out and touch the world in so many dynamic ways.
For the first 24 years of my life, my prayer to god was to become purified so that only pure creativity, without ego concerns, could breath through my body and so that I could offer reflection to others
that would be the drops of gold, or slices of sword, that would penetrate to the truth. God continues to guide me, in many dymanic ways through what I know as the "Dreamtime", through symptoms, dreams, interactions with life and of course, the very omnicient presence of death, in her many forms. Lately the message is to be a "heart piercer." I am finding great courage and honor in standing in utter self-respect and clear seeing for all of life, and most especially for my most touching and intimate encounters with those who are dear to me.
Oh it is amazing! Poetry is finding balance within my often times conditioned state of mind, and is seeping through the tender pockets of my soul. Yesterday, after a rather painful transition from my housesitting and back to Earthsong, I went through the most incredible birthing, through pain and suffering, through illusion, to emmerge in Rashani's house with her and Jennifer ( the neighbor who we both just totally love), and there I sat in eternity, in the bliss that doesn't need to be bliss to be blissful, in the love and gentle still appreciation of pure being. Oh how I had been longing and longing for reconnection to loving presence, feeling just as lonely and destitute as you, my reflection, out there in the Italian bus stations.
We ate watermelon and cried, all three of us quietly drunk on each other's presence and sweetness. It was exactly exactly exactly what I needed.
Lately my practice is to breath in and out becoming more aware of my environment with every step. I picked up garbage from the beach and with every in=breath I thought, " I am inhaling my resentment and frustration with the unconsciousness of myself and my species, " as I exhale, I release compassion and patience and the deep knowing that we are exactly where we need to be, and that we all do the best we are capable of, from moment to moment."
I've also been doing alot of yoga and eating very lightly, drinking Matte, and walking carefully. Igniting my passion and letting myself drink from the compassionate realization that I am enough, perfect and lovable as I am. It is so good to be reunited with Kawa and to get quiet again and closer to the land. Working was fun today, we planted alot of trees and I ran around with the goats. I will be having rise and shine surf session at the local break before work, and splitting my day between working on the land, designing, and writing.
Poetry and Self-actualization are the passions of my soul, and designing and working are the grounding that are necessary for the evolution of my simple humanness.
All of the spiritual growth has rubbed off and people are commenting on how clear my aura is, and that they feel quieter and more with themselves when around me. This is tremendous as it was my dream.
My new dream is to open to the very depth of essence and loving, and to cultivate these qualities of the heart mind, while honoring my powerful intellect and passion for physical exertion. I realize that while I have many desires, for travel, for love affairs, for lots of money, it is wisest for me to put one foot in front of the other and cultivate a deep cherishing, non-conceptually of every moment and it's gift. I am so profoundly thankful to the bliss of eternity, to god, for helping me to awaken. I am glad you are passionate about it as well.
Dear Bart, remember to be gentle with your self and that you always have a home in my heart.
Lindsey